How often I THINK, like really think about my life, my spouse, my choices, my behavior with children, I have no idea where to go, what choices are the right choices. I can spoil my own day thinking over and over again about that one little thing that my mom said yesterday. Often I think big – maybe I should move and my life will finally get better? Maybe I should fly to the moon and then, maybe, I will feel at place? Why everything has to be so hard?
And then.. I realize, that really I don’t need to think that much. Yes. I spoil every little moment by overthinking. I discuss these big questions in my mind over and over again, during the day, at night, when playing with kids, cooking dinner, editing photos, driving and bathing. All. the. time. I. think. And I miss it. I miss life. It just slips through my fingers. I look back – and I don’t even know, how I spent this day. I have no idea, what I talked to my kids about, what they’ve learned, I don’t know. I don’t feel it. It’s been freaking me out, that I don’t feel, how the time flows. I don’t feel every single moment, because I’m not there for myself. I am thinking BIG and missing my real life, real moments, that matter.
That’s why it is so important to me to have photography to capture these little things. I help people remember, I help them know, how beautiful and unique their life is. No matter, how imperfect, no matter how sometimes it feels screwed up and messy. No matter, how good of a mother a woman is. It doesn’t matter. Life goes on. Moments pass. And they don’t come back. We have to be here for ourselves, for our friends, for our children and spouses. We have to feel this life. We have to enjoy it, embrace it and relax about the big things. There is this divine energy, God, that helps us and that knows best, really. Surrender to the big things, you will feel, when it’s time for a change. You will just know it. No need to think it over and over and find no answer. There is no answer. And please please please choose life over this mind game. Mindfulness. This is the first time I actually understand what it means.